“Life is hard. Fun is not for me.”
And when your inner story says joy isn’t safe, important, or deserved, it becomes painfully easy to spend years just surviving, never really thriving.
The Life Script: Where Did It Come From?
Eric Berne, founder of TA therapy said that our life script is formed early, often before the age of 7. It’s based on the messages we absorbed from parents, caregivers, teachers—even things said in passing, but taken very seriously by a young child trying to make sense of the world.
We might have heard:
“Stop showing off.”
“Don’t be silly.”
“Life’s not all fun and games.”
“You have to work hard to be worth anything.”
“Grow up.”
The message gets internalised in subtle ways—especially in homes where joy was scarce, laughter felt unsafe, or emotional expression wasn’t encouraged.
Over time, these messages become a kind of contract with ourselves:
“I’ll be accepted if I’m serious.”
“I’ll be safe if I don’t stand out.”
“I’ll be lovable if I work hard, keep quiet, and don’t ask for too much.”
And joy? Joy gets left behind.
So how do you bring the joy back into your life?
This is where therapy—and particularly TA therapy—can be transformative. Because unlike fate, your script is not your destiny. It’s a story that can be rewritten.
In my work with clients, one of the most healing journeys is helping them reconnect with the part of themselves that remembers joy: their Free Child ego state.
That’s the part of us that:
Dances for no reason
Paints messily, sings badly, and does it anyway
Connects deeply, plays freely, lives fully
It’s not childish. It’s the source of aliveness.
Rediscovering the Inner Child: What It Looks Like in Therapy
When clients tell me they feel numb, flat, burnt out, or disconnected from themselves, I often ask:
“When was the last time you did something just because it made you smile?”
Cue silence.
So we start small. A favourite song. A walk barefoot on grass. A doodle in the margin of a notebook. Dancing in the kitchen. Singing off-key in the car. Picking up the guitar they haven’t touched in years.
But when they begin to touch that old spark again, the effect is life-changing. It’s like colour slowly returning to a black-and-white world.
How TA Therapy Helps
Transactional Analysis gives us a clear framework to:
Recognise the life script: What story am I living out?
Understand where it came from: Whose rules am I still following?
Challenge those old messages: Are they still true? Do they serve me now?
Reconnect with the Free Child: What would joy look like if I gave myself permission?
In TA, we believe every person has the capacity for autonomy—which includes awareness, spontaneity, and intimacy. Joy is right at the heart of that.
And often, joy isn’t about doing more. It’s about letting go of the parts of your script that say you’re only allowed to exist in pain, seriousness, or obligation.
What If Joy Felt Safe Again?
If you’ve been living a joyless life script, remember:
You are allowed to rewrite your story.
You’re not “silly” for wanting to dance, sing, or laugh.
Fun is not a luxury. It’s an absolute need.
You’re never too old, it's never too late.
Joy isn’t something you have to earn. It’s what you deserve.
So tune up your old guitar. Crank the music. Paint like a messy kid again. Let yourself feel silly.
Because maybe the most powerful thing you can say to your old life script is:
“Thanks for getting me this far. But I’m choosing something different now.”