You know that feeling when you finally achieve something big, and instead of feeling like a champion, you just... stare at the wall? Yeah, same.
I spent 12 years working toward my MSc in therapy - twelve years of studying, juggling demands of a young family, sacrificing, voluntary hours, essay and case study writing, six months exam prep workshops and a final oral exam. And when I finally finished? I half expected confetti to fall from the ceiling. Instead, my brain just went: “…Yeah, Cool. Now what?”
I’ve seen the same thing happen with family members who are perfectionists with exams. They’d score 97%, and instead of celebrating, they’d go full detective mode on the missing 3%:
“Ugh, how did I miss that one question?”
“If I had just studied a little more, I could’ve gotten 100%.”
In other words, they would completely ignore the fact that 97% is amazing.
That’s reward dysphoria in action - your brain moves the goalposts the second you get close. It’s not just about exams or degrees; it happens with work, hobbies, and even personal growth (hello, yoga injury for trying to stretch too far).
Why does this happen?
With ADHD, you can experience delayed dopamine release – the rush comes from the chase, not the win. Additionally, we downplay success, fearing we don’t deserve it.
This can eventually result in chronic "what’s next?" thinking - No time to celebrate, onto the next challenge.
So how do we fix it?
✔ Micro-celebrations - Acknowledge even small wins. Out loud. To someone.
✔ Body-based rewards - Movement, music = instant dopamine boost.
✔ Reframe success - Instead of “did I finish?” try “did I make progress? or what did I learn”
✔ Check your inner-critic - You do deserve to feel proud. Let yourself.
ADHD brains are wired for seeking, but you deserve to feel satisfied too. Give yourself permission to enjoy the win - even the tiny ones.